


Out

by WoorEnergy



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Dead Enoshima Junko, Depressed Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Post-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Taka survived SHUT UP, Trauma, again blink and you'll miss it, blink and you'll miss it tho, but if i have to suffer you'll suffer with me, idk why i'm doing this to myself, mention of Fujisaki Chihiro - Freeform, negative self-talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28859100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoorEnergy/pseuds/WoorEnergy
Summary: Taka can't make the difference between past and present. No matters how much he knows he's safe, he still has this survival instinct. His guts tell him to grab his friends, dead or alive, and leave this place as soon as possible. To run as far as his legs can carry him. But he can't move, and he stays in bed.He needs to get out.
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 9
Kudos: 61





	Out

**Author's Note:**

> *chanting* angst ! angst ! angst !  
> Taka's my fav boi, hence why I'm torturing him in my writing :) that's kiiiind of based on something that happened to me too. watch me project onto the funky little gay man
> 
> also I was thinking about doing Mondo's pov as well?? I'm not sure yet but it could have potential) (just angst with my bois  
> lmk if I need to add anything else in the tags btw, that's the first time I'm writing something like this so,,, yeah. anyway enjoy

_Out. Out. Out._

Taka’s breathing was unsteady, his eyes wide open and chest rising and falling so quickly it made him wince. He couldn’t move, only look around his room as he struggled to see where his furniture was. All he could feel was the weight of the blanket on him- so, so heavy and overwhelmingly warm, burning his sensitive skin. He tried moving his arm and get the sheets off himself, but again, he felt as if he was paralyzed. He was no better than an innocent bug caught into a spider’s web, ready to be eaten alive.

_Get out. Right now._

His head was spinning, words echoing in his brain with the strength of a church bell. What was he so scared about? There were no threats nearby, as far as he was aware. His brain didn’t seem to agree, however, convinced that he was in danger.

_Get out. Get out. Get. OUT._

As tears formed at the corners of his eyes, he blinked, trying to chase them away. A pathetic whine escaped his throat, only to end up in a choked groan when, suddenly, he remembered he wasn’t alone in this bed. Mondo was right there, probably asleep, and he noticed now his weight next to him. The last thing he wanted was for his lover to see him like this- again.

_Get out of here before you get killed. Get somewhere safe._

With what little strength he had, Taka turned around and ended up on his side. From what he could guess despite the darkness, he was probably facing the wall, which meant that Mondo was right behind him, still into slumber- if his peaceful snoring and the little grunts he made were anything to go by.

 _Mondo’s alive,_ he thought, _and so am I... I think. So why_ now _? Everything’s fine, I’m-_

_Out. Get out. Gather everyone and get out.  
_

No, no! He was okay, there were no doubts possible. The nightmare was over- and he had somehow survived it. Junko was no more, and-

_She’s out to get you._

Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to be so hopeless?

_You have to_

_GET_

_OUT._

“Stop it,” he hissed painfully. “Stupid.”

“Taka?”

He suddenly stopped breathing, and he only now noticed the thick tears streaming down his face. He had probably been loud enough to wake Mondo up. Was it too late to pretend it was just a nightmare?

_Or is it why I’m panicking? Do I not remember what I was dreaming about?_

“Taka, you’re okay?” Mondo asked, his voice a little groggy.

Taka knew what to answer. He knew he had to reassure his boyfriend and tell him to get back to sleep. What got out of his mouth, however, was an ugly sob, much too loud for his own liking. There was a moment of silence between the two men, and finally, _finally,_ he was able to utter a few words.

“I need- to get out.”

“Bro, what the hell are you talking about?”

He would have smiled at the nickname if he didn’t feel like dying at the moment.” G-Get out.”

By that point, he had started shaking, and the blanket felt heavier and heavier on him, as if he was carrying the entire world on his shoulders against his own will. All of this was ridiculous, he _knew_ it, but he couldn’t stop, he just needed to stop thinking about it, he just needed to calm down, he just-

_He just needed to get out._

“Oh man, that’s-” Mondo sighed, and soon enough, Taka felt a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, you’re okay. You’re with me, alright?”

“Turn,” was all he could speak, “turn me.”

Careful not to shock him too much, Mondo followed his request and got him on his back again.  
Their eyes met for the first time that night, and Taka’s heart crumbled as he saw the worry and confusion plastered all over his boyfriend’s face. Maybe with a hint of guilt, but he wasn’t sure.  
  
He wished he weren’t such a disappointment and a mess to deal with. Mondo deserved so much better than... whatever he was. He needed someone stronger, someone more reliable, who could actually protect him.  
  
“Breathe, Taka. In and out,” Mondo told him, now sitting cross-legged on the bed.

“Out,” he repeated like a mantra, “out, need out.”

“Shh. In first, yeah? Through your nose, then your mouth. Just like me, look.”

Mondo started showing him how to do it- and Taka knew what he meant, truly, and they had done this before, but all his brain could think about was to _get out_.  
After a few seconds of Mondo breathing in and out, Taka tried to mimic him. It came out broken at first, so shaky, as if he was in a hurry to get through his breathing exercise, almost wheezing. His hands were clenching on the sheets beneath him, twisting the fabric between his fingers so hard they were aching.  
  
However, Mondo didn’t seem like he was going to give up on him so easily. They both kept going, Mondo praising Taka every time he got it right. He was doing his best, not only to calm his boyfriend down but also because all of this was so preposterous. He knew he was safe and sound, so why did _that_ keep him awake and alert at night? Why couldn’t he get over it already?

It had been years. He was not a teenager anymore; he was an adult in control of his fears, and he was _out of here._ Why couldn’t he understand? _  
_

“That’s great, keep going,” Mondo encouraged him.

Taka’s heart fluttered at the words, and he could follow the other’s instructions more thoroughly this time. In, out. In, out. This was easy enough. He was good at doing what he was told, anyway.

This wouldn’t have been the first time Mondo had to intervene, and if he had to be honest, Taka was quite proud of him. Not only because he had decided to stay with someone as messed up as him, but if this had happened months ago, he would have freaked out, not knowing what to do. But oh, how time and work can change a person.  
Mondo had made researches- a _lot_. He had talked to their friends, looked up everything he could on the Internet. In fact, he was the one who had proposed this whole breathing exercise idea in the first place, and while that couldn’t possibly replace the help Taka needed yet couldn’t afford, it was a lifesaver in times like these.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

He still struggled to talk, as if he had just run for hours and was constantly gasping for air, but at least his brain wasn’t as foggy as it was a few minutes ago. Now used to the darkness, his eyes finally recognized the place; he was in _their_ room, in _their_ apartment, definitely away from that godforsaken academy. He looked up; there was no camera above his head, and no bathroom on his left either.

“I’m out,” he blurted out, not fully registering what that implied. “I’m- our home. This is our home.”

“Damn right it is. Keep breathing, that’s great.”

Taka obeyed, his hand moving around the bed to find Mondo’s. “Don’t leave me.”

“Hey, no, I’m staying here, got it?” Mondo let out a sigh. “How do you feel now?”

“I...” he swallowed, his throat achingly dry. “Awful.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Taka felt terrible for reacting like this and would have absolutely hidden somewhere if he could, so his partner wouldn’t have to witness any more of this ridiculousness. He hadn’t been alone in this mess- most of their classmates were gone, and Mondo had lost Chihiro in this twisted game as well. The two used to be like siblings. He was so selfish, so self-centered, how could he possibly panic over this when-

“Hey, I know what you’re thinking right now,” Mondo said with a sad smile, interrupting his stream of thoughts. “It’s alright. Just let it out, man.”

“I- I just-” He couldn’t help the tears rolling on his cheeks once again. “I d-don’t know what- what was that all about-”

“What did you expect, huh? Everybody suffered from after-effect, and you’re no exception.” Gently, Mondo brushed a strand of hair from Taka’s face. “You need anything right now?”

As he took another deep breath, Taka slowly lifted his arm and wrapped it around Mondo’s shoulders. His boyfriend, chuckling, got the hint and snuggled back against him, putting as little weight on him as possible; only a hand on his stomach while he waited for him to, he supposed, come to his senses. By now, he had enough control to push the blanket off himself, sighing with relief with that thing gone at the foot of the bed.  
  
He didn’t know how long they stayed here, lying down in a silence they were both waiting to break- which had been so unusual from the both of them until _this._ Mondo had always been a loudmouth, and Taka being, well, Taka, silence never meant something good in this apartment. Yet they had accustomed to it somehow- not that they had any other choice.

“I’m sorry,” he eventually uttered, in such a small voice he wasn’t sure Mondo had heard him. “I feel like- like a part of me stayed there.”

“Hey, you’re fine.” He paused for a second, rubbing Taka’s stomach over the material of his shirt. “We all get different reactions, y’know? You don’t have to apologize for the shit you can’t control. That’d be too easy.”

As he hummed in agreement, Taka started tracing the scars on Mondo’s arm, so gently he thought the other barely felt it. “I guess so- I wish I didn’t drag you in this every time, though.”

“Are you kidding? I’d rather be here when that happens.” As if he suddenly got the best idea in for ever, Mondo’s eyes brightened. “You wanna go outside for a while?”

And, despite the rules he had set himself about nighttime, despite the unbearable cold weather for this November night, despite his hatred for walking around so late instead of sticking to a decent sleep schedule, he nodded immediately.

“Only if you stay with me,” he added with a tiny smile.

To that, Mondo let out a laugh- a quiet one again, so unusual to him. “You know I will, doll face. Ready when you are.”


End file.
